Last year I was counting down the days until I could hold my little one. I was 9 months pregnant, feeling great and cramming in every last thing we could before Mr. Bridger arrived. I wasn't thinking about school starting, the teachers, my past students, and all that jazz. I was too jazzed thinking about my baby. Well this year is different. With Bridger becoming more independant and bigger {Please stop growing kid!} the more I think about school starting, the teachers, my past students and ALL that jazz. When Bridger came we were so busy adjusting to him and being parents that I didn't give teaching a thought. I knew 100% that I definitely didn't want to be at school. And granted we're still adjusting with every new step Bridge Man makes in growing and developing but there's a tiny percentage of me that wants to be at school. I've already said that everytime my mind wonders to school I start to ache for my baby and I don't like the idea, but I still miss it. It's weird to think that I miss the anxiety and nervousness of a new year. The hassle of getting your classroom and lesson plans ready. The ridiculous teacher inservice the week before school. The crazy nightmares and dreams I would get, starting a month before school ever did! But I do! I miss all of it. I especially miss the teachers I worked with and my students. All of my past students are in high school now! I feel so incredibly old thinking about that. I am so proud of all of them. Today is their first day of school.
Teaching seems like a whole different life. It seems like it was a dream. Like I am two different people. Taking a step back and looking at "both" I can honestly say that I like them both. I like me in both places. I was so very content with who I was when I was teaching. I knew who I was and where I was in life and loved it. Having a baby shook that a little. It definitely changed me and where I am. But I am still very content with who I am and where I have ended up. I have re-found myself in this new and different life, this different me, this different calling. Being a mom, especially a stay at home mom, has been one of my biggest goals/dreams. When I first signed up for college and they wanted me to declare my major I had the hardest time. In my head the ultimate goal was and had always been to be a mom. My 18 year self wondered what the point of a major was when that was what the end result would be. College was essential, crucial, my next step in life. Education is important. College was not a place to go to just get married for me. College was a place to continue my education. My 18 year self at least wanted to be an educated mom. So I chose to declare my major as general education until something hit me, tweaked my interest. And boy did it. I am so grateful for the steps that led me to that decision. I am grateful for not only an education but an education that led me to a career that I loved! A career that put Austin through school and changed my life! A career that hopefully changed others lives as well. A career I miss. Some thing that my 18 year self would have never realized how much it would do for my 26 year mom self. Some day these posts will fade. I won't really think about teaching at all. But this change of "lives" is fresh. So on this first day of school I can't help but think about that different life.
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