Nursing

You talk about a lot of things when you find out you're pregnant. (NOT an announcement!) Breastfeeding is one of them and long before Bridger got here I had decided, that was something I wanted to do. Well Bridger had other ideas. For the first few months of Bridger's life he wouldn't nurse. He would just cry every time we tried. I was devistated. That was something I was supposed to do for my baby and I couldn't. Hind sight it worked out perfect. Because Bridger did take a bottle. And whereas at the time a small part of me felt like it was dying every time I fed him a bottle, it was super nice because then Austin could help. And help he did. He was amazing! Plus he got bonding time with Bridger. I don't know how I would have made it through those first months without him. One day Austin was getting a bottle ready and the thought came to me..."You should try to nurse" I kind of laughed at it to myself, "What? If he didn't do it when he was first born he wasn't going to do it now." But I thought well it couldn't hurt. So we tried and it was like we had been nursing his whole life. It was such a happy day! I have loved every minute of it! Sure I miss Austin being able to help but he does so much that it makes up for it.
Bridger is his own little self. He has been the one who has decided on what he does and when he does it. He decided when to nurse, he weened himself from being swaddled, he decided when to crawl from army crawling and he'll deicde when he's ready to walk (I'm fully convinced that he could at any moment he just wants to be in charge.) Bridger loves to feed himself. With that said he doesn't do well with baby food. Never has. He does well with finger food but doesn't eat enough of it to make it the only thing we do. So we've nursed.
Back when we talked about nursing I had sworn to Austin that I would only nurse until Bridger was 6 months. 6 months came, Bridger wasn't a fan of baby food so we kept nursing. I told myself, ok when he gets enough teeth. 6 teeth later and we're still nursing. In less than a week it will be a year. Ok, little less than a year of nursing. And I have no idea how to ween him. I know that he will be the one who "decides" but I don't want to be nursing forever! I'm ready to be done and then there is a little part of me that that isn't. I don't know if I'm ready to give those moments up. I love those moments with my sweet little boy. I have enjoyed everything about nursing. In some small way I don't want to be done with nursing. But at the same time I am D.O.N.E. I just hope that he'll be ready soon too!